In light of the recent UK elections, I thought it would be helpful for people to have a different view on politicians. In light of the fact that we currently live in an age where the technology exists to enable “direct democracy” over “representative democracy,” we need now more credible reasons to elect professional politicians to spend time sitting in Parliament endlessly debating issues face to face than they happen to be running and belong to the right political party.
Before we start, I have to apologise as I had wanted to find 10 reasons for why we might still need politicians, but became stumped after the 6th. If you can think of another 4, please do send them to me and I will add them to the list.
1) Politicians create a peaceful society by giving us people to hate.
Let’s face it, if we didn’t have politicians to hate, what would we do? Probably turn on each other like a pack of blood-crazed sharks, screaming at each other over the smallest invasion into our personal space on the Tube and driving each other insane with endless tirades of frustration. Luckily we have politicians to take the blame for all that is wrong with our world and our own lives. So in a sense, having hateful politicians run our country actually creates a peaceful society by focusing our anger on them, rather than each other. Go figure.
2) Politics gives people who are otherwise unqualified and unemployable anywhere else a career choice.
I always find it remarkable how politicians seem to be the most unqualified people on the planet to do their jobs, with albeit, a few exceptions. If we didn’t have all of these endless Ministerial and quango related jobs, what would these people do for a living? Seriously. The poor sods would probably just end up on the streets. So in a sense, we are reducing homelessness here by keeping them elected.
3) Politicians enable national happiness.
Now you might think this is really a stretch. I mean, “brings happiness.” Just what am I on about, ‘eh?’ Well, look at it this way. The one thing we can rely on government to do consistently, is to be wholly inefficient at running anything really. So we grow up thinking that society is this extremely inefficient entity. Then when we come across a service or business or anything really, that is even moderately efficient, we are simply delighted! So by lowering the bar for the entire country, the government has made it possible for business, to actually surprise and delight us, on occasion of course. One can never have too much of a good thing after all. That’s just not on. And on the whole, we as individuals always feel smarter and more efficient than the government, thus we get this fantastic boost in confidence, that contributes to our overall happinesss.
4) Politicians keeps comedy and satire alive.
Who can forget the brilliance of Spitting Image’s portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in the 80′s. Satire has thrived for a hundred years as a result of political shenanigans. And as a result, satirist, poets, artist and comedians all have been able to stay gainfully employed as a result of the endless wealth of creative material politics and government creates for them. Life would be simple less rich without the like of Mark Thomson and Ben Elton. Though to be sure, politics also gave Oliver Stone something to do, so there are a few downsides as well.
5) Politicians keeps the news industry going.
Well, one thing you can say for politics is that it surely does sell newspapers and drive TV audiences. I mean, how many people watched Obama’s election? 400 million? More? In Britain here, how many words have been written about the MP Expenses Row? Several million at least.
Which each new scandal, papers literally fly off the shelves. And let’s face it, if politicians are said to do one thing well, it’s creating scandal. One could even go as far and say that if it weren’t for politics, we might not have any news to watch or read about at all. Then again, that might be a good thing.
6) Politicians make the rest of us feel ethical and honest.
Funny thing about politicians. When they run for election, lobbying for your votes, you might think something like this: “He seems like a decent enough bloke. Speaks plainly enough. Seems to know what the problems are. Has some kind of solution, or not, but at least he recognises that there is a problem. Unlike those other jokers in office.” So you vote for him, and he becomes your MP. Sounds very straightforward really.
Then two years later, you find out that he has charged on his expenses, £250000 to maintain a nonexistent flat in Kensington, complete with John Lewis furniture and kitchen set and a home cinema kit that would make George Lucas envious, even though he already lives in a £1.2 million terrace in Chelsea, that itself was paid for, via numerous shell companies and speaking fees, by BAE. And here you thought that you were being dishonest by forgetting to pay your train fare last week! Seriously, is it any wonder that nobody wants to pay taxes anymore or that trust is at an all-time low?
Just what is it about the high office that turned what you thought was a rather decent bloke, into a morally bankrupt crook? Well, hard to say. Perhaps it’s simply what’s expected of them by their peers. You know, the classic, “everybody does it” defense. Or perhaps the old adage, “absolutely power corrupts absolutely” is true. Whatever the reason, it does beg the question, “does politics turn honest people into crooks? Or are all politicians really just crooks to begin with and they go into politics because they know there, they can get away with stealing?” I’ll leave you to ruminate on that one.
